How to Deal
by Proud-2B-Blonde
Summary: *Takes place after Shout part 1* Paige was just raped by Dean. But she's definitely not gonna tell anyone. This is something she can deal with by herself, right? Well.. not if Craig can help it. *Please Give it and chance guys =)*
1. Loss of Innocence

A/N: This story takes place after Shout. Some of the details might be a bit off, because Shout is one of Degrassi episodes that I missed this season. I really wanted to write about Paige though, cuz there is no love for her! She's the best! Anyway... I hope you guys enjoy.. Please review and leave suggestions, but don't be totally rude :D This chapter is sorta short and not much happens, but the next chapters will be better!  
  
Paige's alarm clock jangled. "Ugh.... I just fell asleep five minutes ago, I swear.." she mumbled. Slowly, she got out of bed and walked into her bathroom. She looked in the mirror and her mouth dropped. She was still in her clothing from the night before.. and her makeup was smeared all over her face. Suddenly all the events of the night before came back to her. Sitting upstairs with Dean, trying to avoid Spinner. Kissing Dean. Dean turning off the lights. Dean ignoring her protests. Now she felt sick. Taking deep breaths she sat on the egde of the bathtub. *Keep it together Michalchuk..* she said to herself. It didn't work. Her eyes welled up with tears. She cautiously tip-toed downstairs, checking to see if her parents were home. She didn't hear any noise but she wanted to be sure. On the counter there was a note.  
  
Paige,  
We went to the Carlton's wedding!   
We should be back tonight, around 3:00 AM!   
If you want to invite Hazel or someone to sleep over,  
that's fine, but NO parties!  
Love,  
Mom and Dad  
  
Finally Paige let her tears spill over. She had really liked Dean. How could he do that to her? What kind of guy would rape her? Slowly, she walked up the stairs and walked into the shower. All she wanted to do was cleanse herself. She felt dirty and disgusting and slutty and she just wished she'd stayed home Saturday. Or that she went with Spinner to the party. *Spinner.. Oh my god.. I abadoned him for Dean? That has to be the worst mistake I've ever made. God, I'm such a bitch..* she thought to herself. She sat down in the corner of the shower, and started to cry.   
  
15 minutes later Paige got out of the shower. If she could have, she would have stayed in all day, but the last thing she needed was her parents to get mad at her too. She went into her room and threw on a pair of sweat pants and a white tank top. She tied her hair up in a messy flippy bun and left her face bare. When she looked in the mirror, she was surprised at how young and innocent she looked. But of course... her innocence was gone. At that thought, she burst into a fresh batch of tears. On top of everything she had to go to school tomorrow too. Sighing, she grabbed her oldest teddy bear, Mr.Mookie and tried to block out all thoughts of the previous night. But as her eyes flickered towards her outfit from the party, a new, more upsetting thought crossed her mind. *Face it Michalchuk.. with an outfit like that.. you were just asking to be raped, you slut. It's all your fault.* "No!" she yelled out loud. "It's... it's.. not my fault! I said no! I said no!". Her inner voice still nagged her. *You kissed him, you kissed him and you liked it. You went upstairs with him. You dressed like a slut. You are a slut. You totally screwed yourself over, and it's all your fault. Stop feeling sorry for yourself!* Paige burst into louder sobs. It was all true. She did do all that. And there was no way she could ever tell anyone what happened. Never. 


	2. Too much To Deal With

A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews! Anyway, I hope you like the chapter! I'm thinking of working a sub-plot in... any ideas?  
  
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I obviously don't own Degrassi or any of it's characters!  
  
" One thing I know fo sho', is that you don't give a shit about me, and so I'm walking out the door..." Paige's alarm clock droned on. All night she hadn't slept well. Everytime she heard the slightest noise, she was sure it was Dean, coming back to rape her. Whenever the house creaked, she sat up in bed, panicked. It was stupid, but she was still scared. Paige didn't want to go to school. All she wanted to do was sit in bed and cry, but that wasn't gonna happen. Quickly she threw on a pair of baby blue sweats, and a white, baggy v-necked shirt. She threw her hair into a quick ponytail. She knew there were bumps in it, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Sighing, she walked downstairs, into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey honey!" her mom said cheerfully.  
  
Paige forced a smile. "Hey mom."   
  
Her mom saw right through her forced smile. "Paige... what's wrong?"  
  
Paige shrugged. "Nothing mom.. I'm just... a bit tired. I couldn't fall asleep last night."  
  
Paige's mom looked her over carefully. "Well.. when you're ready to tell me the real reason, I'm here."  
  
Paige blinked back tears. Her mother wouldn't be so understanding once she knew that her precious daughter was a slut. "Whatever mom.. I'm fine."  
  
Her mother sighed. "Alright. I made you some oatmeal." she said, passing her a bowl.  
  
Paige's stomach lurched at the sight of food. If she ate that, she would throw it all up. "Um.. I'm not too hungry mom. I'm just gonna go to school, ok?"   
  
Her mother threw her hands up in the air. "Fine Paige. Bye. Have a nice day at school!" Paige waved weakly and walked out the door. The air was fresh and cool, usually her favourite kind of day. Slowly she walked to school, with her head down. She knew that if anyone looked at her, she'd burst into tears. Paige slowly approached the school, and walked inside rather than socializing. She sat down at her desk in her homeroom, and stared straight ahead at the door. The bell rang, and everyone walked in. They all looked surprised to see Paige sitting in class already, and of course her outfit was highly out of character. Paige looked down at her hands, as she felt everybodys eyes on her. *Stop looking at me... I'm nothing special.. just look away.. please..* she thought silently. The silence in the room was defeaning. Paige wanted to scream, to shout, anything. But that wouldn't do at all. Because if she screamed, she wouldn't be able to stop talking. And everyone would find out. Hazel walked up to Paige's desk.  
  
"Paige! Hey!" she paused as she wrinkled her nose. "Um.. is the grunge look back or something?"  
  
"Huh? Oh wait.. you mean my clothes right?" Hazel nodded. "I just felt like being comfortable, ok? I don't understand why it has to be such a big deal!" Paige said, practically shouting. Everyone stared at her again, and a knot welled up her throat. It felt as if there was huge neon sign above her head that said slut. All her muscles were tense, her back felt rigid, her neck muscles were knotted and aching. She cracked her fingers and bit her nails out of nervous anxiety. Hazel picked up her hand and looked at her now non-existent nails.  
  
"Aw Paige.. hun did you have to do that? Your nails take so long to grow! After school I say you go get some acryllics with me?"   
  
Paige sighed. "No Hazel, I don't think so-"  
  
Hazel cut her off sharply. "Oh yeah, we have Spirit Squad!" she smacked herself lightly on the forehead. "I can't believe I forgot! Anyway.. I had something to tell you! Kay, well I was talking to Jimmy, and he said..."  
  
As Hazel droned on, Paige nodded every once in a while, and smiled occasionally. But her mind was elsewhere, obviously. How was she gonna go to Spirit Squad? There was no way she could do it. She'd have to quit the squad. That was all there was to it. Suddenly Spinner walked into class.   
  
"Gavin, you're late. That's the third time this month!" Ms.Kwan said, disappointed.   
  
"Sorry Ms.Kwan." he said monotonously. As he walked by Paige's desk, her heart raced. Spinner smirked at her. "So, Paige, hows your sick Grandmother doing?"   
  
Paige paled. "Umm.. she's... well.."  
  
Spinner shot her a disgusted look. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Whatever Paige." he walked on over to his desk.  
  
"Spinner.. wait! I'm sorry.. but.. I.. I.. just.. I just can't deal with this right now! I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." she said softly. Her head ached. She couldn't take this much longer. And this was only day one.  
  
"Paige? Are you alright?" Hazel asked, looking at her warily.  
  
Paige smiled weakly. "Umm.. yeah. I'm fine. Just a bit burned out."   
  
Hazel laughed. "Yeah, I could tell. Anyway, so what happened with you and Deaaan?" she asked in a singsong voice.  
  
Paige blanched. Her heart began thudding heavily in her chest. "Uh.. nothing. I.. I decided he's just not my type, you know?"  
  
Hazel scoffed. "What? You were SO into him! He's fine, he's older, he likes you!"  
  
Paige swallowed hard. "Well.. he's just not what I thought." she said quickly.  
  
Now Hazel looked nervous. "Well, if you're not um into him anymore, you wouldn't care if I went for him?"  
  
Paige's jaw-dropped. "Hazel! No! You can't go out with Dean!"  
  
Hazel glared at her. "You said you're not into him! He's hot, he's older, good body, sweetie, like why should I stay away?"  
  
Paige gave Hazel an even, level stare. "Maybe because I thought our friendship was worth more than that."  
  
Hazel shrugged. "Fine. Whatever."  
  
Hot tears burned in Paige's eyes. Already Spinner hated her, and now Hazel and her were on the brink of a fight. It was all too much to deal with. Letting out a soft moan, she lay her head down on her desk, and covered it with her arms. 


	3. Get Over Her

Class passed by so slowly. As the bell rang for lunch, Paige was the last to leave her seat. Ms.Kwan looked at her quizzically, but did not say anything. Paige walked into the cafeteira. Now, where should she sit? She stood at the door, deciding. Hazel noticed her, and waved to her from her table. Sighing, she walked over to their table and sat down, between Terri and Hazel. "Hey everyone." she said monotonously. Everyone said hey to her quickly, with the exception of Spinner. Nervously, she picked up a napkin and started shredding it obsessively. "Paige? Earth to Paige!" Hazel said.  
  
"Oh.. sorry. What?" Paige asked.  
  
"Aren't you gonna eat your lunch?" Hazel said, looking at Paige's untouched lunch.  
  
"Um, no. My stomach feels extremely queasy." And it was true. The smell of food all around her seemed overpowering.  
  
"Paige you're not dieting are you? You're so tiny!" Terri said, almost enviously.  
  
"No I'm not dieting. Just not hungry." Paige said. She could feel Spinners eyes burning into her and she felt as if she were about to break. "Oh.. I totally forgot! I have... to go to the library. See you later guys." she said, getting up from the table and walking briskly out of the caf. Her friends looked at each other, dumbfounded. Finally Jimmy spoke.   
  
"Okay, what's the deal with Paige? She's never been quiet for more than 2 minutes." Hazel and Terri both shrugged.  
  
"She hasn't said anything to me. She's fine, I'm sure. Probably just daydreaming about De.. I mean she probably isn't feeling well." Hazel finished lamely.  
  
Spinner's eyes narrowed angrily. "Thinking about Dean? Don't try to lie to me Hazel. I saw them there. I saw her go upstairs with him. It's obvious what she's thinking about."   
  
Jimmy sighed. "Spin, she dissed you. Badly. Get over her."  
  
"Yeah. Fine. Whatever." Spinner mumbled.  
  
Meanwhile...  
"Hey.. did you guys just see Paige go by? Whats the deal with that?" Ashley asked curiously. Paige had practically run out of the cafeteira, and all day she had been acting strange. Her hair wasn't all done up, she had no make-up on, and her outfit was not on the cutting edge of fashion.   
  
Ellie shrugged. "Who knows, who cares?"  
  
Beside Ashley, Craig looked worried. "She looked really upset. Someone should find out if she's okay."  
  
Ellie just laughed. "This is Paige Micalchuk we're talking about. If there was a problem, one of her little followers would comfort her. Don't worry about it guys."  
  
Now Ashley felt a bit uneasy. "I don't know, she just looked really sad. You're probably right Ellie."  
  
But Craig pressed on. "I don't really know Paige well, but honestly Ash, she looks devasted..." he trailed off into his own thoughts. *Remember when "dad" was still beating the crap out of me? I felt the exact same way she looks...* He swallowed hard at the painful memories and continued. "Ash, just try to talk to her. Please?"  
  
Ashley groaned. "Are you guys forgetting how she totally ruined my life this year?"   
  
Ellie glared at Craig. "Amen. She did."  
  
Craig sighed. "Ashley! Just go make sure she's okay! I know she did some messed up stuff to you, I do Ash. I'm not telling you to be her best friend or anything. I'd do it, but I don't know her well enough."  
  
Ashley gritted her teeth. She didn't want to talk to Paige, but if Craig was so concerned, she'd do it. "Fine..." she said evenly. "I'll talk to her." 


	4. Going To Find Out

**Thanks for all the positive reviews :D I really appreciate it! I hope you guys keep reviewing and I hope you love the story!**  
Oh yeah... unfortunately I'm just a fan of Degrassi and own none of it!   
  
Ashley stood up slowly. "Wish me luck." she said grimly. Ellie and Craig looked at each other, shrugged and chorused "Good Luck!" Quickly she walked out, looking for Paige. Finally, after about 5 minutes of searching, she was ready to give up. Ashley walked into the bathroom, to touch up her make-up. To her surprise, Paige was sitting on the bathroom floor, and it looked like she was crying. Ashley felt a pang of sympathy. Even though Paige hadn't been exactly peachy this year, she still was one of Ashleys oldest friends. "Paige?" Ashley questioned, tentatively. The second Paige heard that familliar voice, she stiffened. She inhaled deeply, trying to compose herself. She wiped her eyes and tried to stop the fluttering feeling of nausea in her chest. If anyone would be able to see through her act, it would be Ashley. Finally, she turned around.   
  
"What?" Paige said, with a lot of attitude. But she couldn't fully mask her pain, and there was a slight hint of sadness in her voice.   
  
Ashley looked very uncomfortable. "Well..." she started, placing her arms around herself. "You've seemed really.. out of it lately.. and I thought I saw you crying.. and I.. I wanted to make sure you were okay." Ashley stammered nervously.  
  
A flicker of pain and misery flashed across Paige's face, but she quickly replaced it with her "I'm better than everybody" look. She wanted to tell Ashley. Ashley and her hated each other as of this year. But before that, they had always been pretty close. And Ashley probably knew her better than anyone, since they grew up together. It would be so easy just to tell her. Ashley would comfort her and hug her, and assure her it wasn't her fault. Her secret ate away at her, and she had only been keeping it for two days. But it was her fault, and nothing would change that. "Look Ashley. Last time I checked we weren't friends. And in case you didn't notice, I have around 5 times the amount of friends you have, so if something was wrong I wouldn't need you anyway. So now you can run along, okay sweetie?" Paige's voice was filled with a fake sugary sweetness.  
  
Ashley just shook her head and she walked out of the bathroom, obviously angry. The second the door closed, Paige burst into a fresh batch of tears. *Why did I have to go with Dean? Why not Spinner?* she thought sadly. She wasn't sure if the worst part was that she had hurt and ruined any of her chances with Spinner, or that none of her closest friends seemed to care about her. It was all Dean's fault she was sitting here, on the bathroom floor, sobbing. And with that thought in her mind, all she wanted was revenge.  
  
Ashley walked back towards the cafeteria quickly and angrily. She reached her table, and she took a deep breath. "Thanks sooooo much for being so concerned about Paige, Craig! I'm sure she really appreciates it! Unfortunately, Paige is FINE and I BARELY escaped her wrath. Thanks a lot Craig."   
  
Craig's eyes widened, but he stayed calm. "I'm sorry Ash, I really didn't mean for that to happen. But something is wrong, I know it. I just wonder what it could be..." he drifted off into thought.  
  
Ellie sighed loudly. "Guys, calm down. It's Paige. Paige the uber bitch. I bet she just broke her nail or something. Why don't we talk about Marco and why he's avoiding me?"  
  
Ashley mouth dropped. "He's avoiding you? Again?"   
  
Ellie nodded. "Yep. Why else is he over there with Spinner and Jimmy?" Ellie asked, pointing out the three guys.  
  
Ashley looked reluctant to believe Ellie. "Umm cuz they're his friends?"  
  
Ellie scoffed. "Duuuh... but he's my boyfriend! And anyway, yesterday after...."  
  
The rest of Ellie's words blurred in Craigs mind as he thought more about Paige. Something was definitely up. And it wasn't good. Whatever it was, Craig intended to find out. 


	5. Another Item On The List?

**Thanks for even more positive reviews :D Sorry if this story seems to drag on or anything, I already know what the last few chapters will be about and how it's gonna end, it's just the middle thats hard!**  
  
After the final bell rang, Paige tried her best to slink out of class before anyone could talk to her. She jumped out of her seat and walked rapidly to the door. Suddenly she felt a hand touch her arm, and she jumped.   
  
"Hazel! Don't scare me like that!" Paige said angrily to her friend.  
  
"Whoa, overreact much? I just wanted to remind you that we have Spirit Squad practice. So we have to go to the gym now. C'mon." Hazel said, grabbing Paige by the arm and pulling her towards the gym.  
  
"I can't go to practice today!" Paige protested. "I have to.. do something for my mom!"  
  
Hazel just shrugged and kept pulling her. "You are the captain Paige, and that's the lamest excuse I've ever heard."  
  
"Hazel! Stop!" Paige yelled. As she yelled 'Stop' a sudden wave of memories flooded her mind. Dean pushing her down. Dean telling her to shut up. With these memories, Paige felt all her muscle control go. She let Hazel pull her. Finally they got to the gym. The coach (A/N: I have no idea what the coach's name is, so for now, it's Coach Laufield), Ms.Laufield, was standing in the center of the gym, stretching.   
  
"Paige! Hazel! Go ahead and change girls!" Mrs.Laufield said brightly.  
  
It dawned on Paige that she didn't have any clothing to practice in. "Umm Ms.? I forgot my gym clothes, so I guess I can't practice today." There. She was safe. A small smile appeared on her face, and she quickly got rid of it. Coach Laufield was a stictler for attending practice, and Paige was only the captain. Coach Laufield stared at Paige, for what seemed like an hour.  
  
"Hey, I just remembered! I have extra clothes!" Hazel said, her voice way too enthusiastic. Ugh. Was Hazel really that psyched as long as Paige could go to practice? Hazel was her best friend, but she suddenly seemed stalkerish and needy, and like a mini Paige wannabe. Immediately after that thought, Paige felt terrible. Hazel would be there for her if she really needed it, right?  
  
Paige was jolted back to reality as she heard Coach Laufields stern voice. "Very well. Paige, you are to use Hazel's spare clothing. But Paige, this is truly unacceptable. You really should be more prepared!"   
  
Sighing, Paige walked into the change room. She wasn't interested in picking a fight right now. Hazel passed her the clothing, and Paige quickly walked into a bathroom stall to change.  
  
"Paige? Why are you changing in there? What's wrong?" Hazels voice sounded unbelievably annoying and Paige clenched her jaw.  
  
"Hazel, calm yourself! Don't worry about where I'm changing!"  
  
"Sorry... what's wrong with you anyway?" Hazel sounded hurt but Paige didn't really care. It wasn't like that little comment could have hurt as much as what had happened to her. So Paige chose to ignore her comment. She stepped out of the stall, wearing track pants and a tank top. Hazel stood in front of the mirror, looking at her chest.   
  
"Ugh! Paigeeee!" she whined. "My chest is so small! I have such a manly body! Breast implants here I come!" she said, breaking into a fit of giggles. "Seriously though... I have the worst body. You have like THE perfect body... no wonder Dean was so into you..." Hazel's voice was light and singsongy, and Paige just wanted to smack her. Wordlessly, she walked out into the gym. Naturally, Hazel followed.   
  
"Alright! Now that Hazel and Paige have joined us, we're going to start with the practice. Let's do the Red Hot cheer. Places, girls!"  
  
Paige silently took her place in the group, front and center. Everything she had worked for had come together. She was the prettiest, most popular grade 9 in Degrassi. She had started the Spirit Squad, and was the captain. And Dean, he was supposed to add to that list. A sudden thought dawned on Paige. Did she ever really like Dean? Did she ever want to actually be with him? Or was he just another item on her list?  
  
"Paige!" Coach Laufield hissed. "What are you doing?"  
  
Paige realized the cheer had started, while she was spacing out. She put her face in her hands and took a deep breath before speaking. "I'm sorry. I'm ready now."  
  
"Ready? Ok! Our team is hot, red hot! Our team is hot, red hot! Our team is R-E-D H-O-T when we start we never stop! GO PANTHERS!" The sound of the squad cheering echoed through the empty gym. But Paige's voice was barely above a whisper. Now everyone was really shocked. An awkward silence filled the room, and Coach Laufield looked disgusted.  
  
"Paige. I'm going to have to ask you to go home. You're not prepared to practice today. Meet me tomorrow morning, in the office at 7:45 so we can discuss this practice and your committment as captain."  
  
Paige's chest tightened and she felt like she could hardly breathe. She felt hot with embarrassment, and her fair skin had taken on a red sheen. Normally she would hold her head high and she walked to the changeroom, refusing to admit defeat. Of course she'd have an aura of bitchiness as well as pride around her. But nothing was normal anymore, and Paige kept her head down as she walked into the locker room, leaving the rest of the squad buzzing with surprise. Tomorrow Paige would tell Coach Laufield she was quitting the squad. It all seemed so meaningless now. 


	6. A Meeting By Chance

A/N: Wow! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Your kind words mean so much! =) You really keep me motivated. And I promise Paige isn't gonna be pregnant, that was never my intention. I can't wait until the final chapters, lol. So keep reaading and reviewing guys! mwa!  
  
As soon as she changed out of Hazel's clothes, Paige left through the front entrance of the school. Paige hated anyone yelling at her, and she especially hated it when they were right. All she wanted to do was go home, shower/ have a bath, and have a good cry. All day her tears had threatened to spill over, and they had a few times. But overall, she had been pretty strong, and she was feeling the pressure. Her tough exterior was ready to crack. Finally she reached her home,opened the door and dropped her bag loudly on the floor.  
  
"Hello Paigey-Poo!" Paige's brother, Mike said happily.  
  
Ugh. She hated that stupid nickname. And why was her brother home anyway? He was never home after school.   
  
"Hey Mikey-Asshole." she muttered under her breath. She stomped inside as loudly as she could.  
  
"Hey sweetie, I'm gonna need you to scram. My boyfriend is coming over." (A/N: In case you don't remember, in the first season of Degrassi, Paige says she has a gay brother.)   
  
"What? I'm not going anywhere!" Paige shouted loudly. It wasn't fair to get so angy at her brother but she had to take her anger out somehow.  
  
"Calm down hun. I just need you to leave for a bit." Mike's eyes pleaded with Paige silently.  
  
"Fine. How long?" Paige didn't need an argument, and maybe, just maybe she could clear her head.  
  
"Just till like... umm.. I guess around 9?" Mike said slowly.  
  
"Well where am I supposed to go anyway?" Paige felt her anger rising, and she tried to control herself.  
  
"Why don't you go to Deeeeean's?" Mike said in a singsongy voice, teasing her gently.  
  
"What? What do you know about Dean?" Paige spat out angrily.  
  
"Whoaaa calm down! You told me all about him! How gorgeous he was, sweet, charming, older.. the whole package! You practically made me want to snag him Paige! And you asked me what you should wear to the party too. How did that go,anyway?" Mike asked, curiously.  
  
"Um it didn't go at all." Paige started feeling more and more tense and her words got angrier and angrier.  
  
"Aw he dissed you? Well then you deserve better. No one, and I mean NO ONE disses a Michalchuk. If you want, I'll break his kneecaps." Mike finished with a laugh.  
  
Paige laughed distractedly, her thoughts were else where. *He did more than just diss me... and go ahead! Break his kneecaps! Can I watch?"* she thought evilly.  
  
"Anyway.. I guess I should go so you and your boytoy can be alone. Ciao." Paige said, nearly smiling. She loved her brother, as dorky as it was.  
  
"Bye Bye hun!" Mike called after her, cheerfully.  
  
Paige walked outside quickly. The day had rapidly become cooler, and she shivered, wrapping her thin arms around her body. As she walked, she tried to sort out her thoughts and clear her head. Eventually she felt numb.. it wasn't much, but it was a start. Better than plagued with thoughts and memories of that one night, that had changed everything. As Paige walked by the houses, she was vaguely aware that she didn't know where she was going. Even though she had so many "friends" she couldn't think of one that she could call. Finally she sat down on a bench, by a basketball court that Spinner and Jimmy usually played at. Today it was empty, and she couldn't be happier. For a good hour she sat there, with silent tears streaming down her face. The night kept getting colder, but Paige didn't budge.  
  
"Hey, is this seat taken?" a quiet voice asked.  
  
Surprised, Paige turned around rapidly. It was Craig... she wasn't sure of his last name.. was it Manning? He was tall and thin, and had cute brown curly hair. He was pretty cute, but if she remembered correctly, he was always with his camera. He was slightly too geeky for her usual tastes, she usually went for the athletic types, like Spinner... or.. Dean. And look what that had gotten her. If she hadn't sworn off guys for life, Paige would definitely look into the Craig speicies.  
  
Finally Paige replied. "Umm.. no. I was just about to leave anyway."  
  
Craig frowned. "No, don't leave on account of me."  
  
"Whatever." Paige said carelessly. She didn't have anywhere to go, so she'd have to suck it up for now. Once it was possible, she would make a lame excuse and book out of there.  
  
"So.. um.. are you okay? You just seemed kinda distracted today..." Craig said slowly, watching Paige's face carefully.  
  
Her heart thudded loudly, but still she managed to give Craig a death glare. It wasn't her best glare, but it was sufficient.  
  
"I know we don't really know each other or anything.. so it's none of my business. Sorry." Craig looked defeated and his gaze wavered towards the floor.  
  
Paige bit her lip. "Um.. it's ok." she said quietly. She kicked at the dirt underneath her feet, and neither of them said anything. They lasped into an uncomfortable silence, and Paige was just about to leave, when Craig spoke.  
  
"So, what are you doing here anyway?"  
  
Paige's first instict told her to shoot back with *I should ask you the same question* but she bit her tongue. "Well, I was sexiled. My older brother wanted to have some fun, so I'm out here till at least nine." she answered truthfully.   
Just then, there was a sharp gust of cold wind, and Paige shivered loudly, her teeth chattered.   
  
"Umm it's really cold out... I understand if you don't want to.. but you can come to my house if you want.." Craig asked, cautiously.  
  
Now Paige definitely didn't know what to do. It was like there were two Paige's both pulling her in different directions.  
*Paige A: Just go! It's freezing! It's not like you have anywhere else to go! Besides, Craig is kinda cute, and he's not like Dean. At all. He's a nice guy.  
Paige B: Yeah, a nice guy. That's what you thought Dean was. Craig could easily rape you too.*  
Paige decided to go with Paige B. Better safe then sorry, right? But then there was another gust of cold wind, and thunder rumbled in the clouds above. Heavy drops of rain fell from the sky.  
  
"Alright, fine." she said, instantly regretting her decision. Craig's face broke into a wide smile.   
  
"Follow me! And hurry, we're gonna get soaked!" Craig yelled, already running off. Sighing, Paige ran after him, scared.  
  
(A/N: NO PAIGE AND CRAIG ARE NOT GONNA GET TOGETHER! Haha I just wanted to clear that up. Anyway... I hope you enjoyed the chapter.. and the next one should come by the end of the week! Keep reading and reviewing!) 


	7. Emotional Rollercoaster

Paige ran after Craig, quickly. They ran for awhile, sprinting the whole way. Paige's chest felt tight and her lungs felt almost as if they were going to explode. She took deep breaths of air and they burned her throat. But she relished the feeling. She ran faster. Now she was caught up to Craig. She sprinted harder, her feet slapping against the pavement, her legs taking the impact, the thunder rumbling above. Quickly she passed Craig.   
  
"Hey!" he shouted after her. But she still ran. Somehow she felt more human, more alive. She wanted to run until she cleansed herself of everything Dean had done. Behind her, Craig sped up. He grabbed her arm.   
  
"Paige!" he shouted, against the howling wind. "We just passed my house!"  
  
Confused, Paige stopped running. Then she laughed manically. Craig looked at her, puzzled, but still guided her towards his house. When they stopped in front of the quaint little house, Paige bent over. She put her hands on her knees and her chest heaved. She breathed in heavily.  
  
Craig observed her, silently. "You should join the track team Paige. You're seriously really good."  
  
Paige shrugged, while wiping rain drops off her face. "I never really thought about it. Actually, I hate running." she wrinkled her nose.  
  
Craig laughed. "Well you're really good anyway. So you wanna go inside before we get more soaked?"  
  
"Yeah sure."   
  
Craig opened the door and showed her inside. "Joey took Angela to the doctor's office, and then they're going shopping. That could take hours. Ever tried shopping with a four year old?"   
  
Paige took off her shoes and placed them on the mat. "No, actually. But I have shopped with a gay guy. And not to stereotype or anything, but he takes forever!" Paige grinned, then caught herself. Strangely enough, she felt really comfortable around Craig. Most guys wanted to hang with her because she was so "hot" and "sexy". Plus she was pretty sure she had a reputation of being easy, even though she only had sex once... against her own will. Anyhow, Craig seemed to be an okay guy. Not just out for... things she didn't want to give. Things she wasn't ready to give. Things that made her feel like a slut, like a whore. It was weird. Ever since Dean, she had felt like a different person. Even though she knew she didn't say yes, even though she knew she didn't want it, she found herself questioning her character. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for her to carry such a huge amount of guilt around. Dean was the one who needed to feel guilty. Dean was the one who had stripped her of her tough facade, the one who had made her realize she was just as vunerable as everyone else. And now he was gone. Again, she felt tears well up in her eyes. Images from Saturday came back into her mind. All she wanted was to forget that one night! But somehow.. she also wanted to remember. Because it had shown her.. that she wasn't invincible. That she wasn't just Paige Michalchuk... superficial party girl. She had depth, and emotion. Maybe.. just maybe, it would show her what she really had.. and what she shouldn't care about. It really wasn't fair that she was stereotyped like that... just because she was cute and dressed a certain way. Lost in her thoughts, she forgot where she was, and with who.  
  
"Uh Paige? You wanna go into the living room?" Craig asked her.  
  
"Oh.. sure. Sounds fine." she said tonelessly.  
  
She sat down on the comfortable couch, and Craig opted for the recliner. Finally as she drifted back to reality, she realized how cold and clammy she was from the rain. She shivered.  
  
"Hey.. do you want one of my sweaters or something?"   
  
"No. I mean.. yeah. Thanks." Borrowing his sweater was okay, right? It didn't mean anything. She was cold and she didn't see any blankets around her.  
  
"No problem." Craig said awkwardly. This was weird. They hardly knew each other, and yet here they were, alone. But still, Craig wanted to help Paige out. He knew what real problems were like, and he knew how hard they were to deal with. He walked upstairs and grabbed an oversized sweater. As he walked downstairs, he attempted to think of some conversation topics. Anything that wasn't too personal, but might get her to open up. He tossed her the sweater and she smiled weakly before putting it on. It was huge, and she hugged her knees to her chest and pulled it over them. Paige rested her head on her knees, feeling overwhelmed by her thoughts. Tears welled up in her eyes. Could she ever be safe from her memories? They cut through her brain like a knife and they pulled at her heart painfully. Paige closed her eyes, a lame attempt to keep her tears from overflowing. In her mind, she coached herself. *Come on Paige... don't cry. You're stronger than that Paige. You can deal with this, just fine.* But she couldn't and finally she gave into her tears, her body racking with sobs. Craig sat on the recliner, looking bewildered and unsure of himself.   
  
"I'm sorry... I'm a total emotional rollercoaster.." Paige sobbed.   
  
Craig didn't know what he should do. He wanted to sit beside her on the couch, and hold her while she cried. But realistically, they didn't know each other well enough. "No.. it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong." he was trying to comfort her, but he wasn't sure what he should say.  
  
Paige hugged her knees to her chest even more tightly. "I... I.. should go. Just.. please.. don't tell anyone about this.."  
  
Craig just nodded helplessly. What more could he say or do? "Uh.. if you want to talk.. or just hang out.. I'm here Paige. I know.. we're not good friends.. but I do care.. and I understand more than you think.."  
  
Paige smiled tightly as she stood up. She took in a deep breath and wiped her eyes defiantly. "Thanks Craig." she said simply. Paige opened the door and let herself out. As she walked down the sidewalk, she knew she must look like a mess. But what she didn't know was that Emma and Manny had just seen her come out of Craig's house, in his sweater, and that they were now gaping at her. What would Paige be doing at Craig's house? Well.. they certainly had some ideas... 


	8. Scandal

A/N: Sorry if you guys didn't like the last chapter! But don't worry, the Craig and Paige friendship IS going to continue to develop! A HUGE thank you to KitiKat and SVU Obsessed because your reviews are always so kind and detailed =) But ugh... I HATE this chapter... it's sooooo lame! The next one should be better though! And yeah, to the person who asked about Hazel, she's not really THAT annoying, but Paige is extremely emotional!  
  
Paige lay in her bed, asleep. She looked relaxed, and peaceful, and without the painful expression that had been twisted on her face recently. Actually, Paige was about as happy as she could be. She was having a deep, dreamless sleep. When she was sleep, she actually felt safe, and unscared.   
  
"PAIGE! PAIGE! GET UP! WAKE UP!" her mother screeched.  
  
She sat up in bed quickly, looking disoriented. Her mother may have taken notice, but she didn't show it.  
  
"Well? Come on Paige! You're late! And you don't have half an hour to get ready like you usually do! So get out, now!" her mothers voice seemed to become more shrill as she yelled on.  
  
Slowly she pushed her blankets off her, leaving her cocoon of warmth. She walked over to her sink, and washed her face and brushed her teeth. Next she pulld her hair into a no nonsense ponytail. As she went to get changed, she couldn't help but look into the mirror, just once. Old habits die hard. Paige walked to her closet and looked for her least revealing clothing. It was hard, but she managed to retrieve a pair of sweatpants. They said BabyDoll across the ass, but that was better than her trademark painted on pants. Then she choose a tank top that said Scorpio across it, in silver letters. (A/N: No idea if Paige is a Scorpio but I am so.. lol) It was kind of fitted, but not exactly tight. For some reason, Paige was confident this day would be better than the last. It had to be. Maybe she could even slowly act more like herself. Whatever that was. Paige knew that after an experience like that, she wouldn't ever be the exact same. As she walked down the stairs, she tried to keep her head held up high, although it was hard.  
  
"Hey sweetie.. wow! You only took about 5 minutes! Good job! Usually you're so high maintenance, I'm glad you're branching out a bit." Paiges mom said cheerily.  
  
Paige winced at her bright, cheery voice, but tried to smile. "Um thanks mom." she said.  
  
Her mom smiled. She seemed to think whatever problem plagued Paige yesterday was gone. "So, would you like some pancakes sweetie?"   
  
Although Paige planned on making a valiant effort to act more like herself, how could she eat? She wondered when it was the last time she ate... maybe Sunday? She had some random bites there. And yesterday? She was pretty sure she didn't eat anything at all. Forcing herself to smile, she finally replied.   
  
"Yeah.. sure mom. But I don't want a lot. Actually, I just want one."   
  
Her mother looked as though she had just gotten a diamond ring, as she doled out one pancake on Paige's plate. Cautiously, Paige took a small bite. Then another. Then another. Half the pancake was gone. Right now that was all she could manage, to be honest.  
  
"Thanks Mom, I'm gonna get to school now though, ok? I'm already late and I promise to eat a big lunch in the cafeteria." Her mom smiled approvingly and gave her a kiss on the head.   
  
"Bye Paige!"  
  
"Bye mom."  
  
Paige stepped outside into the warm air. There were plenty of children and teens walking to school, now that the weather was so nice. Instantly she felt as if they were all staring at her, seeing the neon slut sign that seemed to be over her head. She forced herself to close her eyes and compose herself. Finally, she opened her eyes and walked on to Degrassi Community School. As she reached the school, she debated over whether to walk inside, or to socialize with her friends. But she remembered that she wanted to become her old self again, so she decided to socialize. She saw Hazel standing with Jimmy so she walked over there.   
  
"Um hey guys..." she said slowly.  
  
Both of them smiled and responded "Hey."  
  
Paige braced herself for questions of why she had been so upset yesterday, but they never came.   
  
"Okay Paige, Terri's skirt. Yay, or nay?" Hazel asked.  
  
Paige was overcome with disgust. She really wanted to slap Hazel, but she wasn't about to do that. There were more important things in life than Terri's skirt. Sighing, she decided socializing was not the way to go.  
  
"I don't know... anyway.. I'm gonna go. I have to talk to Ms.Kwan, actually."   
  
"Oh ok! Bye Paige!" Hazel called out.  
  
"Yeah Bye Paige." Jimmy said as well.  
  
"Morons." Paige muttered under her breath as she walked away. When had she ever gone to talk to Ms.Kwan?  
  
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"Hazel?"  
  
"Yeah Jimmy?" Hazel said.  
  
"Don't you think it's strange how Paige went to talk to Ms.Kwan? Like when does she ever do that?" Jimmy said. It was slightly sad how Paige's best friend couldn't even notice that, but Jimmy could.  
  
Hazel dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "No, no. She didn't leave because of Ms.Kwan. Duh. It's just that Spinner is on his way here. No biggie." Hazel said, giggling and flipping her hair over her shoulder.  
  
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Craig walked into the school, later than usual. Quickly he ran to his locker. He wasn't expecting Manny and Emma to be standing in front of it, arms crossed, but they were.   
  
"So.. Craig... anything you wanna tell us?" Emma said. There was a note of anger in her voice. Manny looked at Craig with her lips pursed and an angry look in her eyes.  
  
Craig looked at them, bewildered. "No... should I?"  
  
Manny laughed shrilly. It made Craig wince. "Well.. hmmm. We saw a certain slut by the name of Paige leaving your house yesterday."  
  
"And not only that" Emma continued. "She was wearing your sweater!"  
  
Their cruel words and childish anger upset Craig. They had no reason to call Paige a slut, and no reason to be angry that she had been at his home. Craig actually sort of liked Manny, but this was too much. She was definitely too immature and possesive. Both of them were. They were his friends, they had no right to tell him what he could and couldn't do.   
  
"Paige isn't a slut. You guys don't even know her. And it was nothing. I went to the park, she was there.It started to rain, so we came to my house. I gave her a sweater and she went home once the rain stopped. I don't even know why I'm explaning this to you."   
  
Emma and Manny exchanged glances. "Right. She's not a slut. Have you seen what she wears?"  
  
Craig shook his head angrily. "I really thought you guys would have been more mature. I guess not. Think what you want. I don't care." Craig walked off, without getting his books. Once again, Manny and Emma exchanged glances, Manny looked panicked, Emma looked angry.   
  
"Emma! I was so close! He asked me to dance! Paige can't take him away from me!" Manny was on the verge of tears.  
  
Emma nodded. "If I can't have him, and you can't have him, no one can."  
  
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Paige sat in class, bored to death. Ms.Kwan droned on and on about Great Expectations and the themes in it, but Paige wasn't listening. As she glanced around the class, it was clear she wasn't the only one. Hazel was filing her nails, Terri was picking lint off her skirt, Jimmy was looking outside with a longing expression on his face, and Spinner seemed extremely engrossed with his desk. Sighing, Paige rested her head on her hand, and she tapped her pencil on the desk. She tried her best to look interested in what Ms.Kwan was saying, but it proved to be impossible. A note landed on Paige's desk.  
  
*Hey Paige! Omgggg could this class get ANY more boring?  
  
Ewww who cares about books and stuff? Well.. besides Ashley  
  
but she doesn't really count as a person! lol! Anyway..  
  
You wanna go to the mall after school?  
  
Ciao sweetie,  
  
Hazel  
  
Paige picked up her pencil. In neat little letters she wrote:  
  
Hazel.. I have to talk to you. Remember when Dean and me  
  
went upstairs? He raped me. No lie. So now I'm totally messed up  
  
about this. I don't know what to do... please help me Hazel...  
  
There. Now all she had to do was throw the note to Hazel. It would be so easy. And she wouldn't even have to face Hazel right away. But she couldn't do it. Everyone would find out. They would all know the nasty comments they made about her were true. That she really was a slut. And she didn't want people to look at her, thinking Poor Thing. No. She didn't want anybodys pity. She didn't want anyones help. Paige could deal with this on her own. She crumpled up the note and threw it in her bag. Then she looked at the clock. The bell rang. Perfect. Next was drama. The teacher for drama was terrible and they never did anything in that class besides play stupid games. They would be the perfect distraction for her. Paige made sure she was the last one to leave the classroom. She wanted the corridors to be pretty empty once she walked through. When they were overflowing with teenagers, they felt so intimidating and overwhelming. Finally, she walked in the halls, quickly, keeping her head down. Suddenly, she felt eyes upon her and she looked up. Emma and Manny had just walked by, and were giving her serious cut-eye. Paige just looked down. She had no idea why they would be so angry, unless it was still over that stupid cheerleading thing.She looked over herself, self-conciously. The old Paige would never do that. She would be confident that she looked amazing. But Paige wasn't sure of anything anymore. Everything seemed so foreign to her. Ignoring Manny and Emma, Paige walked into the drama class. She was the last one there. All eyes were on her. She looked at the floor, her face heating up. Being fair-skinned was the worst.  
  
"Nice of you to join us Ms.Michalchuk. Now if you sit down, I'll continue where I left off."  
  
Paige walked as discreetly as she could to a seat at the back of the class.  
  
"Now, as I was saying.. enrollment in the dramatic arts has dropped tremendously. So today, in an effort to spark some interest, we are going to do a presentation for the Grade 8 class. I'm going to need you to get into pairs, female and male."  
  
Paige bit her lip as she looked around the room desperately. Whenever she had a guy partner, it was always Spinner. Hazel went with Jimmy, Ellie with Marco, Ashley with Craig, Terri with anyone who was left. Who could she go with? Finally she saw Craig. They were sort of friends, right? So what they hardly knew each other. It was better than Spinner or Jimmy. She watched as Ashley touched Craig's arm with a smile on her face. Paige bit her lip harder. She saw Hazel go with Jimmy, and Ellie go with Marco. She also saw Spinner turn around, finally choosing Terri. Paige looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes. Eventually, she opened them, and surveyed the room. It seemed everyone had a partner. Maybe she could just sit this one out. Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the teacher walking towards her. Desperation took over.   
  
"Craig!" she hissed.  
  
Craig looked over, confused.   
  
"Can you please.. please be my partner? Please?" she said. She looked desperate, and Craig saw it.   
  
"Umm sure.." he said tentatively.  
  
Ashley shot him a disappointed look, but said nothing. Craig's face twisted into an apologetic look, but Ashley ignored it, searching for a new partner. Craig walked over to Paige, studying her face carefully. At first she seemed to be better, but as he looked closer, it was obvious she had put on a front. Craig smiled at Paige, akwardly.   
  
"Thanks a lot Craig. Really." She whispered. "I don't know why you're being so nice to me, but thanks."  
  
Craig didn't know what to say. Mentally, he tried out different responses to that, but they all seemed fake or stupid. Finally, he settled on a simple "You're welcome."   
  
Mrs.Carlton, the drama teacher, began handing out the scripts. "Now everyone is receiving a different script, that relates to teen life and teen issues. You guys have a 15 minutes to rehearse, and then we will perform. I know it's short notice, but I didn't find out until this afternoon. Now use your time wisely."  
  
As Mrs.Carlton handed Paige a script, she looked over it quickly. It was about teen pregnancy. Basically, there was a girl who was pregnant, and she had to tell her boyfriend. A sharp realization came over Paige. She could be pregnant. Right now. Bile rose in her throat, but she swallowed. Pregnant. She couldn't be. He used a condom. She had to be safe, right? The room suddenly felt smaller and hotter and she felt herself begin to sweat. She sat down quickly, overwhelmed. Craig knelt down beside her.   
  
"Paige, are you okay?"  
  
Slowly, she nodded. Great. After school she was definitely gonna have to take a pregnancy test. Just to be sure. She was almost positive she wasn't pregnant, but there was still that little chance, that maybe she was one of the minority, one of the unlucky ones. Paige stood up.   
  
"Let's do this, okay Craig?" Paige said loudly.  
  
Craig was confused but he nodded. "Sure. Okay. I'm warning you, I'm not a great actor."  
  
Paige smiled wanly. "It's okay. I'm not in an acting mood either. Let's just get this over with, right?"  
  
Craig smiled back. "Yeah, for sure." Craig actually found himself enjoying Paige's presence. She had always been the snobby popular girl, so he had always stayed away from her. But just like yesterday, he was enjoying her company.   
  
"Okay... well I've got the first line.. so let's go." Paige exhaled quickly. This scene was hitting way too close to reality, but maybe it would help her feel better. If she put all her emotion into the scene, she could release some of it.   
  
"Umm... Paul? I really, really, really need to talk to you.." she said meekly.  
  
"Yeah whatever. Shoot." Craig said in a lazy voice.  
  
"Well... I'm... p-pregnant.. and.. it's your baby.." Paige said in a frightened voice.  
  
From then on, the scene went perfectly. Paige put her whole heart into the scene, and Craig worked equally hard. Half an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Mrs.Calton clapsed her hands together.   
  
"Okay guys.. this is it! You better make us look good!" she said with a brief laugh. Paige swallowed hard. Already her knees felt weak, and her breaths were shaky and uneven. Craig grabbed her hand. "Hey, Paige, don't worry. You're great, we're gonna do awesome."  
  
At that very second, Manny and Emma walked in after Mr.Simpson. Naturally, they scoped out the room for Craig first, and upon seeing him with Paige, the two girls both stopped dead in their tracks.  
  
"Emma... do you see what I see?" Manny asked shakily.   
  
Emma clenched her jaw, hard. "Yes, unfortunately." Quickly, she looked Manny over. "Manny, honestly fix your hair! It's such a mess!"  
  
Manny blushed. "Okay, Okay." Self-consciously she smoothed her hair.  
  
"GIRLS! Take your seats!" The teacher bellowed. Blushing, Manny and Emma found seats in the front row.  
  
"Welcome to our drama class, children! Today, we will be presenting to you a series of short skits on Teen Issues. Unfortunately we only learned about the performance today, so we haven't had too much practice. Anyway, first up are Hazel Aden and Jimmy Brooks with their skit on drugs."  
  
Hazel smiled widely and winked at Paige. Paige smiled half-heartedly and flashed Hazel the thumbs up sign. Next Terri and Spinner performed. Then Ashley and Andrew. Finally, Mrs.Carlton said "Now here are Paige Michalchuk and Craig Manning with a skit on Teen Pregnancy." Paige took a deep breath, and looked at Craig, unsure of herself. Craig smiled encouragingly, and they took place in the middle of the stage.  
  
There was an audible gasp from the front row, but Paige ignored it, her heart racing.  
  
"Umm... Paul? I really, really, really, need to talk to you.." Paige said, sounding afraid and unsure.  
  
"Yeah. Whatever. Shoot." Craig said, exemplfying the perfect lazy boyfriend.  
  
From then on, the skit went perfectly. At the end, there was a big round of applause, from everybody, but Manny and Emma.  
  
After all the presentations, Paige quickly left the room. She walked over to her locker, only to see Manny and Emma standing in front of it, lips pursed, hands on their hips.  
  
A/N: UGH UGH UGH! WORST.CHAPTER.EVER. Sorry guys! It was so BLAH. But the next one will be better, I promise =) Please don't give up on this story yet! Thanks again and please review! 


	9. This could change EVERYTHING

A/N: Well more thank-yous again! This time I have to include see-the-light and OF COURSE SVU-Obsessed =) And to the rest of you, read and review, dammit! The reviews are really what make me want to write more. Just knowing that people enjoy my writing feels so unbelievably awesome =) So boost my ego some more guys :P Anyway, without any further adieu, here's chapter. Oh yeah, the chapters should now come out around once a week, hopefully. But they may take longer, so if you want some more good Paige rape stories, try After That Night, by SVU-Obsessed. NOw for real, I'm done!  
  
Paige sighed. She did not need this right now. A confrontation from the wanna-be cheerleader and the tree-hugging hippy? Puh-lease. Any other day, she'd laugh their lame attempts to bring her down, but today wasn't any other day. And she had no idea why they would even be here, at her locker, so angry. What had she done lately? It was only Tuesday and this week had been hardly normal. It would take all her efforts to get rid of Manny and Emma, and Paige just wasn't sure if she had the energy inside her tired, depressed body. Summing up all her energy, Paige walked up to Emma and Manny and spoke.  
  
"Umm.. why are you standing in front of my locker? Get out of my way, thanks." she said, in her classic Paige voice. It wasn't much, but it was truly a start. Manny looked at the floor, but Emma looked directly in her eyes, unwaivered. Paige tried to mentally prepare herself. Obviously this would be much harder than she had thought. Emma nudged Manny in her ribs, and Manny let out a sharp yelp.  
  
"Manny..!" Emma groaned.  
  
"Sorry! OK, umm.." Manny started shakily. She gained some confidence and continued. "Look. We're here to tell you to stay away from Craig."  
  
Paige's jaw dropped. They had to be kidding. This was the whole problem? "When have I ever been around Craig beides that stupid skit?" Paige demanded angrily.  
  
Now Emma jumped into the conversation. "Last night! We saw you walking out of his house, and we saw you wearing his sweater. Craig is Manny's, Paige! So just stay away!"   
  
"So now you guys are stalking me too?" Paige rolled her eyes, gaining confidence as she spoke. All her anger towards Dean and the whole unbearable situation creeped into her voice, and it was slightly unfair, but hey, Manny and Emma were picking this fight with her. She was vaguely aware of a small crowd gathering around, but she ignored them all. They wanted a show? Well they were definitely going to get one.  
  
"Anyway, I was just going to his house to house to get shelter from the rain. Not that it's any of your business. And besides, one pathetic little slow dance doesn't make him yours, not that Manny knows anything about guys, right?" she finished.  
  
Manny's eyes filled with tears but she said nothing. On the other hand, Emma's eyes filled wih anger and disbelief. "Is that your excuse for going over to every guy's house? So Manny may not know much about guys, obviously you know more, you're a slut!"   
  
The remark hit Paige like a slap in the face. The worst part was, it was true. But she couldn't let them know that. This was one battle she had to win. Paige wanted something, anything, to remind herself she was still Paige Michalchuk. She desperately wanted to hold onto her old life, and it was slipping away, fast. She had to hold onto something.   
  
"You don't even know anything about me nevermind my love life!" Paige spat out angrily, pulling down on the bottom of her tank top. Slut. Slut. Slut. The word burned through her mind.  
  
"I don't know anything? Really? So who was that guy I noticed you talking to after the soccer game? The one from Bardell? Why don't you tell me about him, Paige? And what about Spinner, what about him?  
  
Dean. Emma was talking about Dean. The heartless bastard who had changed her life in a span of 20 minutes. And Spinner... Spinner the one who had what? What could have become of their relationship if she hadn't messed it up? Once again, tears of anger and frustration welled up in her eyes.  
  
"Spinner? There was never anything between me and Spinner! Check your facts, hun." It hurt to much to address the Dean issue. In her mind she silently wished Emma would let it drop.   
  
"Nothing? So that's why you stood him up on Saturday, huh? To go to some party while you told him some bullshit lie." Emma said, tilting her head to the side.  
  
Paige gasped. The party. How could she know? How could she even find out?   
  
"And how would you even know about that? Prying into my personal life?" Paige seethed.  
  
"Actually, Kendra told Toby, and Toby told me. So sorry Paige, you loose. And now you've gotta add Craig to your list? Isn't two guys enough? I guess not for Paige Michalchuk, center of the universe." Emma said calmly.  
  
For once, Paige was at a loss for words. There was a hushed silence as everyone waited for Paige to reply. Finally, she walked up right up to Emma and got very close to her face. "Listen.. you don't know anything about me. You think you know, but you have not the slightest idea. Don't ever judge me. You don't know what the hell I've been through." Then, a picture of poise , she walked away slowly, head held high.   
  
Paige walked out the door of DCS, and she sat on the steps, resting her head on her knees. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and she made no effort to wipe it off. Instead, she just sat there, silent and unmoving.   
  
Everything that had happened the past week flashed in her mind. She couldn't cry anymore. It wasn't possible. Her skin felt dry and cracked and her eyes were itchy. Sitting here, going over what had happened, over and over and over again made her feel sick to her stomach. She had to do something. She had to keep herself busy. Slowly, she stood up. Now it was time to walk to the drugstore and get a pregnancy test. Because Paige had to know the truth. *Oh come on... he used a condom.. I can't be pregnant. Why even bother taking a stupid test and getting scared?* she thought. Knowing nothing was better than knowing for sure. But still, Paige had to do it. It was lunch time, so she could leave. She started walking towards the Shoppers Drug Mart closest to her house, which was a good 30 minutes away. She walked slowly, afraid of what awaited her. Paige was vaguely aware that the results of the test could change her life forever, for the second time in less than a week. But what was there that she could do? Nothing. She couldn't go back into the past and change what happened, no matter how much she wished. All she could do was take everything as it came, and just deal with it.   
  
15 minutes later, Paige passed by Bardell high school. Immediately a sick sense of dread washed over her, and she shuddered. It was lunch there too, and students walked around laughing and joking, looking unbelievably carefree and happy. Paige wondered if they knew there was a rapist among them? If they knew Dean, star soccer player had changed her life forever? Had he bragged about her to his friends, proud of what he did? Did he describe what happened in detail? Or had he mentioned it casually, just another one of his conquests? Was he feeling guilty? Did he understand what he had done to her? There were so many questions, and not any answers. It was the most frustrating, cycle Paige had ever been through. He shattered her heart, and now she was here, trying to pick up the pieces. Just the school itself made Paige feel sick and dirty, and she could still feel Dean's skin against her own.  
  
Being there, by the school, where *he* was, made it all too real. Taking one last lingering look, Paige turned and continued on her way. Strangely enough, she couldn't cry. Not anymore. The tears would come back, but for now, all she felt was numbness. And in some ways, that was almost worse. Paige kept her eyes on the sidewalk and her Adidas superstars, until she finally reached the store. Nervously, she walked in. There weren't many customers, just mostly some senior citizens, and a few middle aged women. Paige definitely stuck out like a sore thumb. Cautiously, she walked into the aisle that sold Tampons and Maxi pads. She figured if anything, the pregnancy tests would be there as well. Paige was right. On the opposite side of the sanitary napkins, there were the tests. There were tons of them, different colours, different sizes, different boxes. Her brain swirled. How was she supposed to know which one to take? After a minute of thinking, Paige closed her eyes and grabbed. The first box she grabbed, she was gonna buy. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the box in her hands. It was as typical pregnancy test, with a smiling woman on the front, holding her postitive test happily. But what about the girls like her, who were dreading possibly being pregnant? What about the girls who were raped? Pregnancy wasn't always a joy. With those thoughts, Paige suddenly realized that lately she had been overanalyzing everything. The real Paige Michalchuk would never do that. Sighing, she walked towards the cashiers, clutching the box in her hand. The cashier was a cute older woman. Her name tag read Mabel. Mabel smiled happily at Paige. "Hello Sweetie! Do you have an Optimum card?" she asked cheerfully.   
  
"No." Paige muttered, keeping her eyes focused on the exit.  
  
Mabel was unfazed by her unenthusiastic response. "Well dearie, you know, getting one would be a great benefit! You can collect points and when you have enough, you save lots of money! And I'm not just saying that because I work here!" Mabel chattered, still not taking the box from Paige's hands. Paige just wanted her to ring up the stupid box so she could go home and find out if her life was even worse than she had previously thought. The test seemed to burn her hands, with shame and disgust.   
  
"No, thanks." Paige was more impatient than ever. She tapped her foot rapidly.  
  
"Well okay sugar." Finally Mabel took the box of her hands. She lifted the box up, slowly examining it. Paige gulped. "Oh honey, are you sure you need this?" Mabel asked gently.  
  
A wave of irritation flashed over Paige. "Look." she said, through clenched teeth. "Just.Please.Ring.It.Up."   
  
Clucking her tongue, Mabel scanned the box, mumbling under her breath something about "Kids these days. Babies having babies! Where is the sense in all this?"   
  
Paige swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. *Trust me, it wasn't my choice!" her inner voice screamed. After an eternity, Mabel finally spoke. "That'll be $14.58" (A/N: I have NO idea how much prenancy tests cost, or what they look like, or anything, so excuse my naivete! =D)  
  
Paige quickly handed Mabel her debit card. She really had to get going. In a minute, the transaction was complete. Mabel handed Paige her bag and Paige quickly said "Thanks" before running off. The walk from her house to Shoppers Drug Mart was usually only 5 minutes, But Paige sprinted home, and finished walked up her porch after only 2 minutes. She tore her key out of her bag and ran inside. To her surprise, yet again, her brother was home. Ignoring him, she ran up the stairs.   
  
"Paige? What are you doing home?" Mike called after her.  
  
"Early Dismissal!" She yelled back, still running. She ran into her room and threw the bag on the bed. Frantically, she ripped open the box and read the instructions. Now all that was left was taking the test... 


	10. The Best Years Of Your Life

Bleh I'm sorry I haven' updated in so long! Exams and all that! And now I have a job so it's actually quite hard! I'm still trying though! ^_^ Enjoy the Chapter everyone! I'm pretty sure that you can't take pregnancy tests so soon after having sex but whatever let's just assume for the sake of the story that you can!  
  
Paige stared at the brightly coloured box, hands trembling, brow furrowed, shivering from fear and uncertainty. She had to do this. She could do this. After she found out she wasn't pregnant, maybe everything would be okay. From downstairs she heard an upbeat New Found Glory song coming from the television. Spinner loves New Found Glory... she thought, her stomach churning queasily. The music didn't match her mood at all, and she wasn't sure if she should take it as a good or bad omen. The wait was killing her and she couldn't stall any longer. She stood up quickly, determined to put this behind her. Paige just wanted one last glance at her room, before she took the test. There were plenty of pictures of her, Hazel, Terri, and even the odd picture of Ashley. Her favourite picture was of her, Hazel, Ashley, and Terri. It was at the beginning of Gr.8. They looked so young and innocent and just happy. They were all mugging for the camera, caught up in the happiness and excitement of the moment. Since that picture, everything had changed so much. Every single one of them had been through so much, and not by choice. Frustration welled up in Paige's stomach. Growing up was the worst. Paige just wanted to play with her dolls and sit on her mothers lap and throw tea parties for all her stuffed animals. It occurred to her how fast she had been trying to grow up. The make-up, the tight clothing, the famous attitude, it was all her own lame attempt to grow up faster. Now all she wanted was to be a simple little girl again. Gingerly she picked up the box and opened it nervously, as though expecting a flock of demons to come hurling out. She felt like Pandora, consumed by curiosity, and unaware of the damage her curiosity may cause. Paige quickly shoved her hands into the box and grabbed the instructions, afraid to let her hand linger any longer. (A/N: You've got to bear with me here. I have basically NO knowledge of how to take a pregnancy test, so this is an educated guess. I'm not even gonna get into the details). As she read through the instructions, her heart fluttered consistently and her stomach was overcome with nausea. Bile rose in her throat, but she swallowed it down right away. It was now or never. She read the instructions intently, one last time. Then, lowering her head in shame and disgust, she took the test.  
  
Back at Degrassi, Hazel was waiting impatiently by Paige's locker.  
  
"Hazel! Hazel!" Terri called breathlessly, running across the hall.  
  
Sighing, Hazel whirled around to face Terri. "Yes? Calm down hun, please."  
  
"So you haven't heard!?" Terri said excitedly.  
  
"Heard what?" Now Hazel sounded annoyed. Why wouldn't Terri just tell her already? And how did Terri know something she didn't, anyway?  
  
"Well." Terri started, pausing to take a gulp of air.  
  
Hazel waved her hands impatiently. "Come on Terri! I don't have all freaking day!"  
  
A hurt look flashed across Terri's face but she swallowed her pride. "Emma and Manny and Paige got in this really big fight, like after drama class and like Emma and Manny called her a slut and all this stuff and they were yelling at her about Dean and Craig and Spinner and everything and for awhile it looked like Emma and Manny- well actually Emma, Manny just kinda stood there- and yeah it looked kinda like Emma may win but in the end Paige got the really really good and then she just walked off and everyone was like whoa but she still seemed really upset so maybe we should go find her!" Terri said, in one breath.  
  
Hazel took a second to digest all the information. "So they called her a slut? In front of how many people?"  
  
Terri shrugged. "I'm not really sure but a lot of people were around."  
  
Once again, Hazel digested the information slowly. "And she looked really upset?"  
  
Terri nodded quickly. "Oh yeah, it looked like she was almost gonna cry a few times. And this is Paige we're talking about. But then she did that thing, you know, where she's all like I'm Paige Michalchuk hear me roar."  
  
For a second, Hazel looked deep in thought. "Yeah. lately Paige has been PMSing majorly. so that must have been a really low blow. I mean like when has Paige even talked to Craig anyway?" Hazel said disgustedly, rolling her eyes. "Like yeah, he's cute but we don't chill with him. We never have. And I know she's all mad about Dean or something. She told me she didn't like him anymore and then I was like why? And she wouldn't tell me. I dunno she's been really spacey lately." Hazel shook her head with a smile. "See what PMS does to us? And guys think they have it bad? Puh-lease!"  
  
Terri smiled knowingly. "I know! I mean c'mon! Until you have felt cramps, you have NOT felt pain!" she said breaking into giggles.  
  
Hazel laughed briefly. "Yeah, but I'm thinking we ditch lunch and we head over to Paige's to do some damage control."  
  
Terri wrinkled her nose. "Damage control?"  
  
Hazel sighed loudly and dramatically. "Come on Ter, you know this one! We get sappy chick flicks, or movies about how guys totally suck, or movies about how some girl triumphs over everyone, something girly. Then we eat cookie dough, bash the male race, and those of the female race who are way twisted, like Manny and Emma. It's what every girl needs!" Hazel finished with a flourish.  
  
Terri smiled excitedly. "Sounds amazing! Paige has been weird lately. This is so gonna pick her right up."  
  
Hazel smiled widely. "Now am I a genius, or am I genius?" she said, dissolving into giggles. The two girls walked out of Degrassi, arms linked, identical grins.  
  
Paige sat anxiously on the edge of the bathtub. She took the test. Now she had 15 unbearable minutes to wait. She tapped her foot a few times, cracked her knuckles, and then proceeded to bite her nails. Then immediately she cast a glance at the clock. Not even a single minute had passed by. Nervously she paced around the room. Then she sat back down. Her head was pounding and her spine felt rigid and stiff. She massaged her temples, and she felt some small relief. For the first time, in three days, she actually felt semi relaxed. I can do this. She thought, relieved. I can just take this stupid ass test, find out that I'm not pregnant, and then pretend nothing ever happened. For a split second, Paige felt like herself again. Just then, there was a knock at her door. Immediately she jumped. Dean Dean Dean Dean. He's here. Paige trembled. The logical side of her brain tried to reason with her. Paige, hun, Dean has no idea where you live. Calm down! Still, Paige shivered. Yeah, like Michalchuk is a really common last name. He probably looked me up in the phonebook or something. There was a constant struggle in her mind, half of her wanted to just forget everything that had happened, and the other half wanted to hide in the corner of her room. The knock came again. "Who- Who's there?" Paige called out meekly. The door started to open and Paige shoved the pregnancy test in the bathroom cupboard.  
  
"Hey Paige?" It was her brother. She let out a small sigh of relief and the tight feeling in her chest evaporated- slightly.  
  
"Yeah?" she said impatiently, taking a quick glace at the clock. 5 minutes. 5 minutes.  
  
"Hazel and Terri are at the door with movies and stuff. So you can stop moping and shutting yourself in your room now, okay?" Mike said, gently grabbing Paige's arm.  
  
She flinched. Dean touched that arm. She hated the fact that her whole body had been tainted by Dean. She hated the fact that people she loved couldn't even touch her anymore without her feeling uncomfortable and scared. She pulled her brother off her arm. "Mike, I'm not in the mood for company, okay? Just get rid of them. Please." She hoped her brother would see how serious she was.  
  
"Paige Lauren Michalchuk!" he said sternly. "Listen, you're a MICHALCHUK. We don't sit around, feeling sorry for ourselves Paige. We make things happen. We make what we WANT to happen, happen. So get off your sorry butt, put a decent outfit on, do your hair and make-up, and go have a good time with your best friends!" he finished with a smile.  
  
Paige stared at him, unsmiling. "Get rid of them. I don't care if you have to tell them that I'm puking my guts out. I don't give a shit! Just get rid of them, NOW!" she screamed.  
  
Her brother looked at her in disgust. "Whatever Paige. Just remember, these are the best years of your life and you're wasting them away." He finished, opening the door and then walking out.  
  
"Oh yeah! These are the best fucking years of my life! In fact, this has been the best fucking week of my whole life, EVER!" she screamed at him through the door. She ripped open the cupboard doors and grabbed the pregnancy test. She threw it at the wall, and collapsed in a heap on the floor, sobbing loudly, sobs of pure anguish and misery.  
  
A/N: Oops, a bit of language there! =\ Sorry but it just made her sound more angry. so if you're a kid just cover your eyes or pretend u never saw it, okay? =) Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it took so long to finish! I think this story may be coming to an end soon, but I'm not positive! 


	11. Little Pills

**Now that the Americans have seen Shout, maybe I'll get some more reviews! Lol but really, to everyone who HAS reviewed and has said positive things, thank you so much! I am so grateful! I hope you enjoy this chapter, although it's kind of eh..**  
  
Paige finally lifted her head from the floor, about 40 minutes later. She was so. tired. The pregnancy test was sitting on the floor in front of her. Sleepily she reached for it. There was a minus sign. *What does that mean again?* Paige thought slowly. For some reason, she was just so very tired. She rubbed her eyes and reached for the box. * A plus sign indicates pregnancy and a minus sign indicates the opposite* Paige read from the side of the box. So she wasn't pregnant. Her lips lifted in a small grin, but she knew that the absence of being pregnant would make her have to finally deal with her rape. *Maybe. Maybe I should call Hazel. and Terri. and they can come over. and we can. talk.* Paige thought. But before she could even complete her thought, she crawled to her bed, lay down, and promptly fell asleep.  
  
[i]**Paige was swimming. She was swimming through the cool blue water. She swam quickly, and efficiently, loving the feeling of the cool water against her skin. She swam and swam and swam, further and further and further. Finally she stopped. She could hardly even see the land anymore. She lay on her back, just floating, her eyes closed, feeling the warm sun on her body. After what seemed like an eternity, Paige decided to try and find the bottom of the lake. She closed her eyes and held her breath, waiting to feel the squishy sand beneath her feet. But she felt nothing. She sank further and further. She felt cool, slimy seaweed brush her ankles. There was still no bottom. Paige was running out of breath, she had to get back to the surface. She pushed herself upwards, towards the light. But she couldn't move. She was stuck. Tangled in the seaweed. Frantically she kicked and kicked, trying to get to the light. She flailed and fought and fought, but she couldn't get above the surface. Her arms flapped around wildly, and she splashed at the water, while screaming "HELP ME! PLEASE! SOMEONE!" Her chest felt tight and she realized this lake was to be her grave. She was so far from land and no one was around for miles. There was no hope. Suddenly she felt an arm grabbing her. For a split second she felt relief. She was safe. But then, her insides lurched. She felt sick. She knew that touch. Paige knew that touch like she knew no other. It was permanently burned into her mind, although she had only felt it once. She would rather die than be touched by him again. Frantically Paige kicked and hit him. He showed no emotion, but pulled her closer and closer to the shore. Paige kicked and screamed and begged, but still, he pulled her along. Paige started to gag. Everything about him disgusted her in ways she had never thought possible. Paige's arm burned from his fingers and her eyes filled with frustrated tears. Her eyes. He told her that they were beautiful. She shuddered. Nothing was safe anymore. Finally they reached the shore. Paige let out a gasp of relief. Surely no one would let her go with him. "HELP! SOMEONE! DON'T LET HIM TAKE ME! PLEASE!" she screamed as loudly as she could, as Dean pulled her along in the sand. She fell to her knees. "DON'T LET HIM TAKE ME! HE'LL HURT ME!" Paige screamed. The back of her throat felt raw. Around her, no one paid any attention to her pleas. "PLEASE! NO! NO!"[/i]  
  
Paige woke up, drenched in a cold sweat. Her heart was pounding loudly, it seemed strong enough to force it's way out of her chest. It was never over. Never. She wasn't pregnant, but she wasn't safe yet. Paige sat up in bed and took deep breaths to calm herself down. Her head pounded and she felt a migraine coming on. She shivered and put on her biggest sweater. Her head throbbed painfully and she closed her eyes to dull the pain. It didn't work, so Paige decided to get an aspirin and a glass of water. Paige walked down the stairs, drowning in her sweater, still shivering. How long had she slept? Her brother was still parked on the couch, and he was still annoyed with her. As she walked into the kitchen he rolled his eyes in her direction, but thankfully, said nothing. Just then, the phone rang. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Mike was still sitting on the couch, lazily. But Paige couldn't pick up the phone. It could be him. "Mike? Please get the phone." Paige said, barely above a whisper. Paige knew she had to raise her voice, but she couldn't. Her dream had felt so real, maybe it was a sign of something to come? Quickly she picked up the phone and then hung it up.  
  
"Who was it?" Mike called from the living room.  
  
"Uh. wrong number!" Paige said.  
  
Then the phone rang again. "Mike? Can you please get it?"  
  
"Fine! I don't know what is wrong with you Paige, but please, pull the stick out of your ass!" Mike said loudly, before picking up the phone. In spite of herself, Paige smiled. She had won this round. She opened the cupboard, and picked up a bottle of Advil. There were so many brightly coloured pills in there. so many. No one would ever notice if there were some missing. What if Paige accidentally took more than 2 on an empty stomach? Everything haunted her, everything reminded her if him. Maybe this was the only solution. She stared into the bottle, harder, the colours swirling before her eyes. They were so perfect. bright, perfectly shaped.  
  
"PAIGE! HELLO? HELLO?"  
  
Letting out a gasp, Paige turned around abruptly. She couldn't believe what she had just been thinking.  
  
"Yes Mike?" she said shakily, holding onto the counter for support.  
  
"Phone for you." He said monotonously.  
  
"Who is it?" she asked.  
  
"I dunno. Some guy. I don't know all your little friends."  
  
*A guy? Spinner? Jimmy? Or maybe. Dean?* her conscience nagged at her. *C'mon, pick up the phone. Maybe he's finally calling Paige. Maybe you're just overreacting about this whole thing and it's all your fault. Maybe you expected too much. Maybe it happens all the time. Maybe you're nothing special.*  
  
With a quick glance around the kitchen, Paige pocketed the bottle of Advil.  
  
*What are you doing?* her inner voice demanded.  
  
"Shutting you up." She muttered. Then she walked over to the phone, the only thing keeping her calm was the little bottle inside of her pocket. 


	12. It's not like that

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you appreciate this chapter! The hardest part for me is writing the middle of this story. From the beginning I knew how it was going to end, and how it would start, and these chapters just come to me as I write really. Thanks so much for everyone who appreciates this story and just keep reading and reviewing =) (Oh yeah, I realize Emma was a bit out of character, but I needed that whole little fight to happen for further events. you'll see in this chapter)  
  
Keeping one hand in her pocket, Paige picked up the phone. She clutched the pills tightly, afraid of who may be on the line.  
  
"Hello?" Paige said tentatively.  
  
"Hey. This is Paige, right?" A male voice asked. It wasn't a familiar voice, but it wasn't completely foreign either.  
  
"Yeah, this is Paige, who are you?" There was a trace of apprehension in her voice.  
  
"Oh, it's Craig. Sorry, I should've told you it was me right away." Craig sounded really concerned, it was obvious he had heard the slight tremble in Paige's voice.  
  
"No, don't worry about it Craig, that's okay. It wasn't your fault. So what's up? Are you calling about homework or something?" Paige said, sounding as normal as possible. If only Craig could see her now, with her big, baggy clothes, and her tear stained, blotchy face. If only he could see the pills in her pocket, and the way her knuckles were turning white from clutching onto the case so tightly.  
  
"No, it's not about homework. I was just-"  
  
Then something dawned on Paige. "Um how did you get my number, Craig?" she asked, her voice trembling. Was it that easy to contact her?  
  
"I looked it up in the phonebook. There's only like three Michalchuk's, so I looked at the addresses and figured out which street was closest to Degrassi."  
  
"Oh." Paige said. All Dean had to do was pick up the phonebook, which was available anywhere. and he could contact her. She shivered at the thought of his menacing voice on the other side of the phone.  
  
"Yeah. Anyway, I heard about what happened at school today, you know, with Emma and Manny? And I think what they did, and said was really unfair to you, and untrue. So I wanted to apologize on their behalves. I'm really sorry about that Paige."  
  
She felt her insides melt. What a nice thing to do. She couldn't even begin to fathom why Craig was being so kind to her, but it really meant a lot to her. Even though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she felt inclined to trust him, somewhat.  
  
"That's really sweet Craig, but you don't have to do that. It's not your fault at all. Girls get scarily possessive when they're into a guy. But seriously, it's okay. I'm. I'm. okay." Paige said, struggling to get the last sentence out. Her voice cracked on the last word.  
  
"Paige? Are you sure that everything's alright?" Craig asked gently.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine. Anyway I gotta go. Bye Craig, thanks for calling." She said in one breath, and then hung up the phone. That had been too close. For a split second, she had wanted to tell Craig everything. The secret weighed more and more heavily on her as time passed. No one needed to know her dirty secret. Who was she fooling? Craig wouldn't care anyway.  
  
"Hey Paige?" Mike walked into the kitchen, holding his empty bowl of chips.  
  
She closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes?" Who knew what more motivational speeches he had in store for her. Sometimes she loved how she and her brother were so alike, but right now, she flat out hated it.  
  
"Who was on the phone?" he asked. Just like her, he was too nosey for his own good.  
  
"Just this guy, Craig. Nothing important." Paige said, trying to sound as uninterested as possible.  
  
"Ooookay. Anyway, before I forget, mom called earlier, while you were at school. She's worried about you Paige. You haven't been yourself lately. So she wants to take you out for a nice mother daughter dinner, and shopping trip. Just thought I'd pass along the message" he said breezily, putting his bowl in the sink.  
  
"Wait! I. I can't do it tonight!" Paige protested. Her mom would see through her right away. She couldn't break her mother's heart. She couldn't tell her that she was a slut who got what she had deserved. She couldn't lose any and all respect her mother ever had for her. "I have other things to do! A school project that's due tomorrow! That's why Craig was calling!" she said frantically, spewing out the words quickly.  
  
Mike eyed Paige carefully before speaking. "Okay, calm down hun. I'll tell mom, you do whatever it is you have to do." His eyes never once left her face as he spoke and her face burned with embarrassment and shame.  
  
"Thanks Mikey." She said, picking up the phone. Quickly she dialed *69, which then connected her to Craig.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey Craig! It's me! Paige! I'm gonna come over now, to work on our project, okay? Can you meet me at the park?" Paige said cheerfully.  
  
For a minute, Craig was quiet. Then he finally spoke. "Yeah, sure. The one from yesterday, right?"  
  
"Yeah, that's the one! I'll see you then!" Paige chirped, and then slammed down the phone while smiling widely at her brother.  
  
He looked at her, bewildered, but still said nothing. She smiled at him weakly. Then she headed towards the door, but then she stood still for a minute, thinking something over. She headed back to the kitchen.  
  
"Mikey?" she said slowly.  
  
"Yes Paige?" he asked, curiously.  
  
"When you told everyone that you were- that you were gay, what was it like?"  
  
Mike's face twisted into a painful grimace, as he closed his eyes, all the memories flooding back.  
  
"Well Paige, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I didn't know how people would react, would they support me, or turn away from me? I knew that my life would change forever, and that people would shun me, and that I would always be treated differently. I didn't even know if my own family would be supportive of it. I knew that some people would be afraid of me, other people would make jokes. And I almost didn't go through with it, Paige. Trust me, there were plenty of straight girls interested in me, and I could've been with anyone of them, pretending to be straight too. But that would've been a lie. And in the end that's why I did it, that's why I told. Because I was so sick of living a damn lie, Paige. I wanted to finally be myself, stop hiding behind a fake façade. And it was worth it. Some people acted like idiots, and yeah, I lost some friends. But in the end it was all worth it. People now know who I really am, and they accept me for who I am. Nothing feels better than that."  
  
Paige opened her mouth, but nothing came out. What could she say to that? So instead, she just smiled sadly at her brother, and turned on her heel, and walked out the door.  
  
As she walked to the park, the whole while, all she could think of how Craig would react if she told him. How everyone would react if she told them. She thought about it, trying to convince herself that it wasn't her fault. *But why would they care anyway? It's not like a makes a difference in their life. It's not like it's gonna change what happened. It's not like it's gonna make everything go away. Nothing will be better. I'll still be a slut.* So deep in thought, Paige nearly passed the park. She sat on the park bench, clutching onto her arms tightly. From the basketball courts, she saw a familiar peroxide blonde. Spinner. Immediately she felt a pang in her chest. How could she have chosen Dean over Spinner? She looked over at him again. He was grinning stupidly at something Marco had said. *He's such a moron..* she thought. *But he's my moron.* the other half of her brain added. Spinner and Marco seemed to have noticed her and they seemed to be having a heated discussion. Now Spinner was walking over to her. She kept her eyes downcast, as he approached. He sat down beside her.  
  
"Hey Paige."  
  
"Hey Spin." She said as lightly as possible, trying to ignore the pangs in her chest.  
  
"Ummm, I just wanted to say that. that even though you didn't want to go out with me. we can still be friends." He said quietly. Paige could tell it was hard for him to say it. He definitely had to swallow his pride. And Jimmy wouldn't let him off easily for doing this. Paige sat quietly, trying to figure out what to say. She still really cared about him. A lot.  
  
"Thanks Spin. That really, really means a lot to me." Paige paused once again. Maybe she should just tell him. Maybe it would help. Maybe he could help her make everything okay again. She looked up at his face and he was looking at her just as intensely. Spinner looked concerned about her. Spinner never looked concerned. Why did they all have to grow up so fast, face things they weren't ready for? It wasn't fair that this had to happen to Paige. It wasn't fair that she couldn't even be normal anymore. As soon as those thoughts went through her mind, she wanted to hurt Dean. Badly. And she would need help.  
  
"Actually Spin? There's something..." Paige stopped and fidgeted with her hands. "I just don't want anyone to hate me." She whispered to herself, holding back her tears.  
  
"What did you say, Paige?" Spinner was leaning closer, trying to hear her better. Paige shut her eyes tightly and then opened them again. She searched for the right words. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Craig walking towards the park. She was immediately on her feet.  
  
"Um, I gotta go. I'm... I'm supposed to go to Craig's house." she said meekly.  
  
A dark look passed over Spinner's face. "I get it. You're on to another guy already, are you? I guess I'm never good enough for you, am I?" he yelled.  
  
"No! Spin! It's not like that!" she shouted back at him. But it was too late. He had already turned his back and started walking back to Marco, shaking his head angrily.  
  
Paige sat back on the bench dejectedly. She pulled her knees to her chest, trying not to cry. She messed up, again. The pills in her pocket were looking more and more appetizing.  
  
A/N: This Chapter seems really long to me. so I'm leaving it off here. I'm not sure if you guys caught on, but the reason Paige asks her brother how hard it was telling everyone he was gay is because she's *contemplating* telling her secret. I hope you like this chapter, sorry it took so long to write, and keep reviewing! =) 


	13. One big lie

A/N: Sorry this chapter is kinda short, I'm having a bit of a writers block. I know how everything is going to turn out in the end. but I just keep getting stuck around this area. So for now, this is all I have to offer. But if you guys would like to leave some suggestions for me, I'll definitely consider them. Thanks so much =)  
  
When Craig finally came to the park, he immediately saw Paige, sitting on the bench, crying. For a moment he stood still, watching her. Then he sat beside her, and put his arm around her, while she cried. He thought he was doing the right thing, but Paige had different ideas. As soon as she felt his arm around her, she jumped up, angrily.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Don't EVER touch me!" she screamed at Craig.  
  
He looked taken aback. "Paige? Umm.. are you okay?" he asked cautiously.  
  
"Okay? Am I okay? No I'm NOT okay! Do I look okay?" she spat out angrily, walking away from Craig as fast as she could.  
  
For a moment, Craig hesitated. Then, he followed his instincts, and took on after her. "Well then why don't you tell me what's wrong!?" He grabbed her arm. "I can help Paige!"  
  
Paige pulled her arm out of his grip, and whirled around, her eyes blazing. "You can help me? You don't even know me Craig! You don't know the first single thing about me or what I'm going through or even how you could help!" She paused. "Thanks for the offer though." She added, sarcastically.  
  
Craig felt his temper rise with each of Paige's angry words. He didn't know anything about her? Well she didn't know anything about him, either. All he had done to her, ever, was be there for her. "I don't know anything about you? Well guess what? You don't know anything about me either! You know, I thought I might be able to help you, because my dad, yeah my real dad, not Mr. Jeremiah, he used to beat the shit out of me. So I figured that whatever it was you were going through, I could probably help out somehow. Because I know what it feels like Paige, to not know what to do or how to feel or where to go from here! And all I did was try and be there for you! But I guess it was just a waste of time, wasn't it Paige? I thought maybe you'd drop your stupid little superficial party girl façade, but I guess I was wrong. Sorry for even wasting your time." Craig retorted disgustedly. Then he turned around and strode off, muttering to himself.  
  
Paige stopped dead in her tracks, and mulled over everything he had said. It was true. She couldn't believe she hadn't known about Craig's father. She had heard rumors of course, but she never once gave them a second thought, they never seemed to matter. And right now, Craig was about the only friend she had. Well, he WAS the only friend she had. So now what? What came next? Where did she go from here? There were never any answers, never any clear direction for her to head to. All her life Paige had done what was expected of her. She liked the guys she was supposed to like, wore the clothes she was supposed to wear, listened to the music she was supposed to listen to, made friends with the people she was supposed to. In her mind she had seen herself as the dictator, making all the decisions. Deciding who was worthy of her presence, and who wasn't. But now Paige realized it had all been a stupid fake lie. Everything. And now, Paige was going to have to do what was expected of her, once again. She was going to shut up. And pretend nothing had ever happened. 


End file.
